Almost There

I'm leaving for Ocean City, New Jersey in three days, and reality still really hasn't sunk in yet. Amidst the one paper and one final that I have remaining, my thoughts on Ocean City have been scattered and episodic to say the least. But in some ways I have been forced to think about it and evaluate what my attitude is right now because people keep asking me about it. It is such a hard question for me to answer right now because I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling.

To be honest, when I think about leaving, the predominant emotion that I feel is not excitement. It is nervousness. I'm nervous to meet 90 new people. Meeting people takes a lot of time and energy, so I'm kind of dreading the awkward first week of being introduced to everyone and praying that I will remember their names. I'm so pumped to get past that first week and finally start digging into real relationships, but I know that the first week will be full of a lot of fake, cheery emotion and small talk. I'm nervous to leave what's become comfortable. I love being at school, but even more so, I love that I am known at school and in Cru at Northwestern. I'm nervous to do ministry in the workplace. Ministry scares me. I get nervous thinking about putting myself and being vulnerable, when it means that I could be rejected because of the things that I believe.

But I keep telling myself that there is nothing to be nervous about. I have an amazing privilege to go into a unique environment where everyone is pushing each other toward Christ. And I had a similar opportunity last year when I went to Berlin. And I had similar emotions going in. But coming out of that Summer Project, I looked back and realized how silly all of my fears were. Not because they are bad things to get nervous about necessarily, but because I can trust with all my heart that God is absolutely in control and he will work things out for my good. Gosh, I don't deserve that at all, but God is so gracious and worthy of praise for promising that and always being faithful. But I looked back at my time in Berlin and realized that God was doing amazing work on my heart.

Thinking about that gets me pumped for this summer. On the surface, I am nervous and scared, but as I think about the reality of the situation, I am really excited. I get to serve Jesus with my summer! I get to learn more about his perfect character and come to know Him closer! How amazing is that! Yes, I will definitely be uncomfortable at times, but I know that they will push me to trust in Him alone. Yes, there will be small talk and exhausting conversations the first couple weeks, but they will result in amazing Christ-centered relationships. Yes, I will be putting myself out on a limb when I share my faith, but Jesus died on the cross for my sins and He is absolutely worth it. I am going to learn so much about myself, about Jesus, about the Bible, about ministry, about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have no idea what exactly it will all look like, but I know that I am going to be shaped to be more like Christ.

I would appreciate prayers for an open heart going into Ocean City, that I would be putting my faith in Jesus and not in my own ability, and that God would shape me in unbelievable ways over the summer.

Thanks for joining me in this adventure. For His glory.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Support Update: I'm fully supported! Thanks so much for your support, your prayers, and your desire to see me go to Ocean City. I am grateful beyond words.